Why did the Alien jump out the window?

Mom, why did the Alien jump out the window?

Why, Owen?

Because he was hungry and he wanted to get some beer and the door was shut.

My Boys are Funny

My boys are funny. They take after their dad. He makes me laugh every single day, and his boys are following in his footsteps.

Two recent quips that caused me to guffaw.

Owen - while at a restaurant and needing to go the bathroom..."My penis is going to EXPLODE!"

Liam - upon returning home from school he came into my office, and I was all done up because we were expecting company soon..."MOM! Where are you going tonight?!? Because YOU look TIGHT!"

Oh, these boys. It's good to have laughter in my life.

For this, I am thankful.

Disturbing

On Friday, Jordyn went to the 7th/8th grade Valentine's Day dance.

She said she felt a little out of place because she and her friend Chelsea were some of the only ones wearing jeans. The rest of the people were "dressed up like it was prom".

In 7th & 8th grade?

Well, it just so happens that I went to high school with Annette, who is now married to the vice principal at Jordyn's Middle School. Her husband was a chaperone at the dance.

Now, even though Annette and I haven't "spoken" since, oh, I don't know, 1990, 1992, or 1994, it doesn't matter, because we are "Facebook Friends".

After the dance, Annette wrote the following on my Facebook wall:

my hubby came home after the dance last night and said that jordyn was one of the "nice" girls at the dance... lots of bumping and grinding... hope that it cheers you up to know you have a good girl in the eyes of other adults!!! she sounds like a sweetie!

Wow, Jordyn hadn't mentioned anything to ME about the bumping and grinding. So I thought I'd probe her about the subject.

Me - "Jordyn, I heard you were one of the 'nice' girls at the dance last night."
Jordyn - "What do you mean?"
Me - "Well, I heard that you weren't doing any of that bumping and grinding and stuff."
***and then the floodgates opened***
Jordyn - "Oh, Mom, you should have seen it. There was this one couple, 7th graders!! who were acting like they were married. They were so close you could barely slip a piece of paper between them!! It was SO disturbing."

I had to chuckle at her use of the word disturbing. It's nice to know that, even though she is a little bit boy crazy, that this type of behavior still disturbs her.

So, I told Annette about Jordyn's use of the word "disturbing". Her reply?

she and jeff must be on the same wave length!!! he started the conversation
with... "man there was some distrubing behavior at the dance tonight..." he also mentioned the girl on girl behavior... i know i am getting old but i honestly don't remember that in 7/8th grade, do you? some girls know how to get all the attention!! you are so lucky that your daughter thinks more of herself!

Well, Katy Perry must have kicked the door wide open on the whole girl on girl action. I think I'll leave that subject alone for now.

Yes, for now, I really am pleased that Jordyn thinks more of herself than to engage in such disturbing behavior.

And, I'm glad I've got a fly on the wall in the halls of the middle school to report back Jordyn's activities. Hopefully, that fact alone will keep her in line. At least for the time being.

25 Random Things

My 25 random things, which took me 25 hours to complete.

1. My family and friends are my anchor and my wings.
2. I’m a blogger. (I have 3 blogs, YES, three.) If you ever read one of them, leave me a comment! I love getting comments on my blogs.
3. I’m a blog reader. I read about a dozen blogs from different girlfriends, almost 20 scrapbook blogs, and a handful of blogs about parenting. I rarely leave comments on these blogs (with the exception of my girlfriends’).
4. I am not passionate about my job and that makes me sad. I would like to get paid to do something that brings me great joy.
5. I am, however, thankful that I have a job. A very good job. Very thankful.
6. After nine years of orthodontia and jaw surgery, to boot, my teeth are still crooked. I begged my orthodontist to remove my braces before my senior year of high school (I had worn braces for 4 years at that point). He agreed but made my parents sign a waiver that the braces were coming off before he had finished with my teeth (so we wouldn’t go back and sue him, or whatever).
7. I always thought my teeth had gotten straightened enough, but in the last couple of years, their crookedness has started to bother me and now I want to get them re-straightened…but not at the same orthodontist. I couldn’t stand that guy.
8. My teeth were really, REALLY messed up to begin with. And as my kids’ adult teeth start to come in, one of my fears is that they’ll get my teeth and have to go through the same orthodontia hell that I went through.
9. I blame my bad teeth on the fact that my maternal grandparents were cousins. Not first cousins, or anything, geesh. But cousins, nonetheless.
10. I have a recurring nightmare that all of my teeth crumble and fall out. And when I wake up from that nightmare, I'm always afraid that it actually happened this time.
11. ENOUGH with the teeth already!
12. I love musicals and cheesy show tunes.
13. I love scrapbooking and preserving my family’s memories. Some people might think it’s dumb, but when a scrapbook that you’ve made for someone brings tears to their eyes or a beaming smile to their face, it’s the best feeling in the world.
14. I don’t get it when people say that they’re bored. Someone once told me that only boring people get bored. I believe that. And, I am never, ever bored.
15. I drink water. I’m not into pop all that much, or tea, or lemonade, or flavored water, and never coffee. blech. Just give me plain ol’ water. H.two.O.
16. If I’m not drinking water, I’m drinking wine. Red or White. Cabernet Sauvignon is my favorite red and Sauvignon Blanc is my favorite white.
17. I wear my mom’s high school class ring every day. It makes me feel like she’s always with me.
18. My parents are as close to perfect as they come. They love and respect each other, they are honest and hardworking, and they would give you the shirt off their backs, even if they needed the shirt more than you did.
19. Ditto for my in-laws.
20. I’m addicted to lip balm. Whether it’s my Cherry Chapstick, or my Burt’s Bee’s Champagne Lip Shimmer, or my Cranberry Lip Shimmer from The Body Shop, I can not get enough of it.
21. I can not concentrate or relax in a messy environment. In order to work I have to have a clean desk, an organized email inbox, a list of things to do. In order to relax, I have to have the living room tidy, the kitchen in order, toys put away, etc.
22. I love to laugh and have a good time. Laughter is as essential as air.
23. My husband makes me laugh every day.
24. If I could go back to high school, I would be a nicer person and spend more time with my girlfriends. Life’s too short to spend it being mean and wasting it on silly boys. I give this advice to my 13 year old daughter every day. I hope she listens to me.
25. I donate blood on a regular basis. You should, too.
26. I’m not easily offended. As such, I rarely censor what I say, forgetting that some people out there ARE easily offended. If I’ve offended you in the past, get over it. It wasn’t intentional.
27. After my boys get into a particularly bad fight with one another, I make them hug, look into each other’s eyes, and say “Brothers Forever, Friends for Life.” I hope they always remember this and truly take it to heart.

So, I can't count.

Don't Bother Her

Last night at dinner Owen had a toy at the table.

Kevin told him to put the toy down... "By the time I count to 3 that toy better not be in your hands, OneTwo" before he could get to three, Owen had thrown the toy on the floor. Kevin continued "You know better than that. That's one of my biggest rules. No toys at the dinner table."

Then Liam piped up, "Dad, has like 79,000 rules."

Which I thought was pretty funny. So I said, "Liam, who has more rules, me or Dad?" Thinking this was my opportunity to shine as the COOL parent.

Liam replied, "Dad has more rules, for sure. Mom only has one rule."

"I only have one rule? What's my one rule?" I asked, pretty intrigued.

"Don't bother her," he responded with out even looking up from his plate of pork and potatoes.

I nearly spit out my wine I was laughing so hard. I mean, LOL funny. Laugh. Out. Loud.

Kevin got a kick out of that answer, too, and has had fun teasing me about being a fair-weather parent. Which, of course, isn't true. But funny nonetheless.

How to get hugs from your 13 year old.

Tuesday night I did this scrapbook layout of Jordyn.

I left it out on my scrapbook table in the office.

When I got home from work yesterday, Jordyn came running to the door to greet me with a big hug.

"Oh, mom! I saw what you made in your office and I LOVE it! Those baby pictures of me are SO cute!!" Hug Hug Hug.

Who knew that expressing your feelings with pictures, paper, and a few embellies could have such an impact. Hmm.

Just one more reason why I 'crapbook.

Bad Words in People's Names

As Liam was filling out his Valentine's cards for class, he came across one of the kids whose last name was Bichon.

He points to it and says, "Mom, I always thought Paul's* last name was a bad word." (*first name changed to protect the innocent.)

I had to laugh because I could see where he would think Bichon was pronounced Bitchin'. Who knows, maybe that IS how it's pronounced, but I'm thinking maybe it's something like Beeshawn.

Then he goes down the class list a little more and confidently declares. "Mom, Cassidy's name has a bad word in it."

Sigh. "Yes, Liam. It does."

So, should I be proud that Liam can spell and figure these things out? Or should I be disappointed that he roots out the bad words in people's names?

He'll be excited to learn that his mom's maiden name has a bad word in it, too. He'll figure that out soon enough.