The CHERISHED Life of Heather Leigh

Friday, October 23, 2009

Am I a Reject?

I've been going through a bit of my own drama lately. Drama that caused me to be borderline depressed for close to a month, and certifiably depressed for about a week.

Anyone that knows me (even remotely well) knows that I avoid drama like the plague. Some people (OK, many people) are drama magnets. Me? I'm the polar opposite. A drama repellent, of sorts.

So, when I experience my own drama, I tend to cocoon myself in it. Isolate myself. Alienate others. Basically, I don't want my drama bug to rub off on anyone else. Nor do I want anyone else to see that I'm (GASP!!) less than perfect.

And, that's kind of what I've done with this latest episode of drama.

Although, now that I've emerged from the drama, (well, the drama is still there but my acceptance of it has allowed me to move past it), but now that I've emerged from the raw emotions of the drama, I'm finding myself somewhat alone.

Did I alienate people too much? Am I a reject?

All of this introspection has made me realize that I want to work on being a better friend. So, that, maybe, when another episode of drama sets in (Heaven forbid), I won't find myself in this same lonely situation when the emotions of that new drama subside.

So, what better way to figure out how to be a better friend than to GOOGLE "how to be a better friend"??

There are numerous blogs and articles out there on this subject, which makes me feel slightly less like a reject knowing that so many other people ponder this topic.

One of the first things that hit me was that many of the articles stressed the importance of quality of relationships over quantity. I've battled this topic in the past. I used to think that I had to be friends with and get to know everyone and to invite everyone to everything and I would feel bad if I didn't get invited to something, even if the event was being hosted by someone I barely knew. So, a couple of years ago, I came to the conclusion that "I've got enough friends already." This attitude worked well for a while, but ultimately, I think this attitude has rotted my potential to develop new and meaningful, QUALITY, friendships. So, while I don't have to be best friends with everyone, I want to open myself up to the possibility of new relationships.

Keeping the quality over quantity concept in mind, I want to figure out what relationships I currently have that need attention. Or rather, what relationships do I want to foster and see flourish? This will not be a long list, but it will include people other than 'friends'. The list will include Kevin, Jordyn, my parents, my sister, and of course a handful of 'friends', some of whom with which I already have a close relationship and others with which I would like to see our relationship grow.

Once I've developed my "short list", I'll begin to develop a plan for cultivating those friendships. However, friendships are like flowers, so the cultivation for each is different. The steps I'll take to enhance my friendship with person A will be different than the steps I take to enhance my friendship with person B, and person C, and so on. And that's OK.

I think by purposefully becoming a much better friend to a short list of people, it will enable me to be a better person to a larger circle of friends. And who knows, in becoming a better person, it might put me on someone else's "short list".

That is, if I can fully recover from the drama and prove myself to be not too much of a Reject.

Drama Drama, go away, Heather would like to come out and play.


Mindy said...

No. (you are not a reject)

Errica said...

Everyone has those times and the ones who stick by you through the drama are the friends you should cultivate!

Lori said...

My best friend is my hubby and that is the friendship I cultivate the most. I have always been one who favors quality over quantity with friendships. I don't have the time nor the need to be best friends with everyone I meet. But the friends I do have are awesome and no matter where we are in our lives we can always easily pick up where we left off. There's no judgement and no drama. Just lots of laughs. In my opinion, true friends don't make you work hard. I don't know you that well, but your blog and scrapbooking are evident that you are doing a great job with many things in your life.

Lori said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tina said...

I am just catching up with my blogs, and WOW! this is beautifully written and explained. Today, I needed to read something like this. I'm glad I didn't back when you posted it because today is the day that I NEEDED to read it... it resonated with me... maybe because I have my own drama right now that I SO WISH would go away, so I can come out and play. Whether intentional or not, you have just cultivated OUR friendship without even realizing it! Hugs!