Life's a Shit Sandwich

The most memorable, and controversial, quote of book club Thursday night:

"Life's a Shit Sandwich. Every day's just another bite."

And if there ever were two polar opposite ends of a spectrum, Shelley is the Shit Sandwich and Mindy is the Sunshine Salad.

The Creeper

There is a right way and a wrong way to drink the Creeper.




My first experience with the Creeper did not end well and is an example of the wrong way to drink the Creeper.



It was July 19, 2008. My high school girlfriends and I had tickets to the Kid Rock Concert at Pine Knob. It was on a Saturday, and we thought it would be a blast to tailgate in the parking lot beforehand.



Despite the rain, we were right. The tailgate WAS a blast. The Creeper was flowing, the tunes were pumping, the people watching was a riot. It was just fun.



Aimee introduced us to the Creeper, singing its praises about how super yummy it was. She was right! It was delicious. She brought along two pitchers of the Creeper to the tailgate.



Um, out of the five of us, I think I consumed close to a pitcher and a half of this deliciousness in about 2-3 hours.



FYI, it's called The Creeper for a reason.


It crept up on me like you would NOT believe (yes, there were other shots and swigs of margaritas that contributed to my foolishness, but, above all, I blame the Creeper). The bottom line is that it was not pretty. Not in the least.



Let's just say, I don't remember much of the concert except for:

1. Getting caught with my beloved (enormous) camera at the ticket gate, security confiscating it (no cameras allowed, hello!), and then me crying in the security office for them to let me take my camera back to the car and then me convincing them to let me back into the venue (they agreed, probably for no other reason than to get the pleading mess of a drunk girl out of their office - but I'm a SCRAAAAAAPBOOKER!)


2. Stumbling down the hill and trying to pass it off as dancing (that was cute)


3. Arguing with Aimee later on that evening, because I was SUPPOSED to be the DD and she ended up having to do it. We both said some very hurtful things during the drive home but fortunately we made up with each other as we sat in my driveway. To this day, though, I wish I could take that fight back.

I may not have remembered much about the concert, but now, almost a year later, I do remember how delicious the Creeper was.

So, on June 13, 2009, I decided to make two pitchers of the Creeper to take to Liam's family soccer party, a.k.a. the right way to drink the Creeper. My second experience with the Creeper.

The party was at a park with a lake, horseshoe pits, playgrounds. We had a potluck BBQ and the coach took the kids tubing on his boat. It was a blast.

We were at the park 10 hours! During that 10 hour time frame, I consumed close to a pitcher and a half of this deliciousness (of course I had to share some with the other moms so that they could revel in the deliciousness of it all).

About an hour into my consumption, I got a nice little buzz which continued ALL day long. I was giggly and goofy and warm and fuzzy and fancy free.

There was no crying. There was no stumbling. There was no arguing.

The Creeper is definitely going to be my summertime party drink. MMM mmm.

So while there is indeed a wrong way to drink the Creeper (2 pitchers of it in 2 hours) and a right way to drink the Creeper (2 pitchers of it in 10 hours), with drastically different outcomes. There is one common side effect to drinking the Creeper … self portraits in the bathroom:

Pine Knob Parking Lot Port-a-Potty:

Soccer Party Park Restroom:

Recipe for the Creeper:
1 can of frozen raspberry lemonade concentrate
Instead of mixing the concentrate with three cans of water, mix it with
1 can of vanilla vodka
1 can of beer (yes, I know! And I HATE beer!!)
1 can of Sprite

(What I didn't realize about the Creeper until I made it myself was that there is an ENTIRE fifth of vodka in two pitchers of the Creeper. LIGHT BULB! Consuming close to an entire fifth of vodka, plus two cans of beer, in roughly two hours is NOT a good idea. DUH. Lesson Learned).

drink responsibly

Well, there's your answer

Liam is becoming more and more like his father every day.

Kevin and I used to marvel about how Liam, the spitting image of Kevin, had my personality and Owen, the spitting image of me, had Kevin's personality.

But, Kev's constant smart ass attitude has definitely rubbed off onto Liam.

Exhibit A: I took the boys out on the paddle boat on Sunday so that they could jump off and swim and so that we would all stay out of Dad's hair on Father's day (what a GIFT!) After jumping in a number of times, Liam sat on the back of the paddle boat shivering as he wrapped himself in his damp towel.

Me - "Liam - are you cold, buddy?"

Liam - "Do I look cold?"

Me - "Yes."

Liam - "Well, there's your answer."

If he wasn't so gosh darn cute, I'd have thrown him back into the water, whilst laughing maniacally and squealing, "And THERE'S YOUR answer!!"

CAPKIRK

First of all, I have to say that I love the Oprah Radio Channel (XM156).

I especially love the Gayle King show.

But today, I caught an episode of Dr. Oz that I just could not turn off.

Now, typically, health and wellness discussions are not my cup of tea.

This study shows that if you do X, you'll get cancer while another study shows that if you DON'T do X, you'll get cancer. blah blah blahbity blah.

That kind of stuff just bores me to tears.

I'm just going to live my life and hope for the best, thank you very much, with a huge dose of common sense thrown in.

But, on this episode, Dr. Oz was interviewing William Shatner, oh excuse me, just call me Bill, and, like I said, I just could not turn it off.

Dr. Oz's goal was to find out how William Shatner got to where he is today and to explore the Trekkie phenomenon. But instead of Mehmet interviewing Bill, Bill was quickly interviewing Mehmet.

I must say that Bill is a very well spoken and fascinating person to listen to.

Bill and his wife, Elizabeth, were both very interested in alternative medicine (integrated, as Dr. Oz calls it) and the connection between mind and body as it relates to wellness, and they wanted Dr. Oz to tell them how to find a doctor with this same mindset in California.

This reversal of interviewer and interviewee spawned a great discussion, and I learned a lot of very interesting things -

• Surgeons, who many regard as GODS, are a very superstitious group. For example, if Dr. Oz loses a patient, he throws out the clothes he was wearing when it happened, underwear, socks, whatever. Another surgeon wears a pair of "lucky" shoes into surgery. I really hope there's more to it than, luck. I'm just saying.
• Different music is played in the operating room depending on the type of activity being performed. If a saw is being used to cut bone, you want something thumping like Led Zeppelin playing. However, when a very precise suture procedure is being done, you want something soothing like Vivaldi. Makes sense.
• Headphones for patients are worn because they have proven that patients' subconscious is aware of and absorbs sound even though they are asleep from a pain perspective. One of the ways this theory was proven was using the following steps. Before the surgery, the patient is asked, "Tell me what you think of when I say the color black." Nine times out of ten, the patient responds, "White." Then, during surgery, headphones are put on the patient with the following, "Black. Brown. Black. Brown. Black. Brown." Over and over again. A couple of days after surgery, they ask the patient, "Tell me what you think of when I say the color black." The patient ALWAYS responds, "Brown." So, NOW, headphones are worn by patients with phrases like this repeated: "Relax. Trust us. Take deep breaths. Be sure to walk around after surgery. Pay your bills on time." etc. OK, the 'pay your bills on time' might have been a joke Dr. Oz was making, but it does make you wonder if there was some truth to it.
• Modern medicine has only been around for about 100 years. Before this time, there was no formal training. Doctors learned to be doctors by being an apprentice to another doctor, so really, you never knew what you were going to get when you went to a doctor, or when the doctor came to you.

During this interview reversal, Dr. Oz kept saying that they would get back to the original intent of Trekkie talk and what not. But, during the time that I listened, this never really happened.

I just sat in awe of how well-read and eloquent Denny Crane, the Priceline Negotiator, Captain Kirk, er, just call me Bill was in real life, using words like burgeoning and charlatan.

Alas, I could not finish listening to the interview, fascinated as I was. I pulled into an open parking space at work...right next to a car with a vanity plate I had never noticed before.

CAPKIRK

Coincidence? Or just totally bizarre.

Be good for your mom this summer...

Kevin, the boys, and I were out to dinner last night. Our waiter was relatively young (18-19ish, although he looked like he was 14). He was very chitty chatty with the boys. He joked with them, and our smart aleck boys joked right back with the waiter (something I don't think he was expecting). But, hey, a life time of sarcasm and ribbing from their dad has prepared them to retort any barbs thrown their way, without so much as batting the proverbial lash (which in Liam's case are long, and thick, and gorgeous, and the envy of many women...but I digress).

Anyway, as Kevin paid the bill, the waiter said to our boys, "Be good for your mom this summer, kids!"

WHA?

I mean, are chauvinistic stereotypes still rooted that deep that in this, the year TWO THOUSAND AND NINE, that even this next generation of young people ASSume the mother is always the primary child care provider?

Kevin quietly replied to the young waiter, "And be good for Dad." Then we both just looked at each other knowingly and privately chuckled at how completely off the mark this young waiter was.

Now that Kev is home all of the time, and basically a SAHD for the time being, he does 99.9% of the child rearing...meals, baths, homework (before school was out), bedtime, daytime, applying sunscreen, making the kids clean their room, purchasing birthday presents for friends...pretty much all of it.

But even before Kevin got laid off, we shared our parenting duties pretty much 50/50, and, to be honest, possibly even 60/40 leaning in Kev's direction.

Is sharing the child-rearing really that uncommon in today's day and age? I mean, haven't dads around the nation started to pick up the slack of father figures in generations past? Don't they WANT to?

Kevin LOVES caring for the kids (even though he wants to strangle them - understandably - from time to time).

This seems SO normal to me. If this is abnormal, it shouldn't be....and clearly, I don't realize just how lucky I am.

Feathered Friends - Rob

This is Rob.

Rob doesn't seem very interested in the bird feeder or the seeds that fall below. But, he does seem to be enjoying the hostas and he and his Merry Men certainly enjoy scampering through the front yard hunting for worms.

I have so many feathered friends outside my office window. Even the state bird drops by to say hi. What a guy!

Rob is an American Robin.